When I wrote my first ever blog post it was just for fun, sort of like my own personal diary – only online. Something magical happened when I hit the “Publish” button, I felt like I had found my voice, like it was finally time for me to step up, step out and be more ME.
Since then I have started ( and stopped) numerous blogs. I have tried out different ways of writing but I still didn’t think of myself as a writer. No, I was a coach. I worked one on one with people helping them find their groove too.
The trouble was I still hadn’t quite found mine. I tried on different hats: Journey therapist, Reiki practitioner, Wellbeing Coach, to name just a few, but none of them truly encapsulated who I was or what I was delivering out into the world.
I felt like I was bashing my head against the wall. I couldn’t figure out who I was or what I was supposed to be doing. I just knew that I had something to share with the world, something of value, something that was unique. I listened to Bob Proctor and Brendon Burchard and Joe Vitale. I signed up for Miracles coaching because one thing I knew was I needed a miracle.
And I read and read and read some more. I watched videos. I followed social media experts. I did all the things, jumped through all the hoops but nothing was working.
Then I wrote a guest blog post for My Tiny Secrets called Your Amazing Vagina and decided it would be fun to turn that into a book. at the time I was just toying with writing a short e book that I would give away for free. That was until my friends started urging me to turn it into a real book.
Trouble was I had no idea how to write a book but I launched myself into the process and LOVED it! along the way I learned many things (1) having a book plan is a great idea (2) writing the book in chapters and then trying to compile it is exhausting (3) a book plan is a really great idea! I kept on getting cold feet and putting the idea away as too much, too big, too hard, just well beyond my comfort zone on all levels.
And then there was the subject matter. What if my kids read it? What if my parents read it? What would people think? So I put it away ..again and again. The idea wouldn’t leave me alone and I kept writing and getting inspired. Then came the process of editing it, compiling it and turning it into an actual book for sale at an actual outlet.
When it finally went live on Amazon I did the happy dance for days. Then I uploaded it to Create Space to get it turned into a paperback and eventually, held my own book in my hands – I nearly cried. The whole journey has been an amazing discovery of myself. Putting myself out there in the world and letting my freak flag fly has made me feel immensely proud. Getting feedback from people I have never met as to the impact my book has had on them truly did bring tears to my eyes and made me feel incredibly humble.
Part way through writing my book I went through a grieving process. I felt like this was the only book I had in me, that I didn’t have anything else to say. By the time it was finished I knew that to be a complete lie. The ideas have come flooding and now it is a question of holding onto the ideas while I pick one and bring that to light.
One of the greatest tools for self-expression I have found has been Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way”. This book had crossed my desk numerous times and each time I brushed it aside “I’m not an artist. I’m not creative”. I had decided early in my life that I couldn’t compete with the creative talent around me and so I shut down. I closed off, never realizing that my talent lay in writing not art or sculpting or sewing or knitting or all the ways that creativity showed up at home.
Now every morning starts with my morning pages and, more recently, with Laura Probert’s Warrior Writing Challenge.
Writing has become my passion and I finally feel like I have found my purpose and my voice.